Dear Aunty Temi,
I love your column, it’s really impressive. After my father died four years ago, his friend has been the one supporting my mother and I. Last year, our landlord gave us a quit notice and my late father’s friend offered us accommodation in his home. He and his wife were very kind to us. I was very happy and comfortable with them until their son returned from the U.S. He pressurised me to be his lover and I told him that wasn’t possible. He eventually raped me and deflowered me in the process. I told my mum and she said I shouldn’t ever say anything about it again. Now, he wants to have carnal knowledge of me at the slightest opportunity. I’m scared and don’t know what to do.
To say I was aghast when I read Jane’s message is to say the least. I called her on the phone and inquired if there’s someone she could tell her ordeal if she no longer felt safe living there and she told me there was no one she could open up to except me. I empathised with her and advised her to tell her rapist’s mother. At first she was very scared and hesitant until he raped her a second time and the thought of getting pregnant scared her. When she informed me about the second rape incident, I had to convince her to report the incident to the boy’s mother assuring her that as God lives, she would never regret her action. Surprisingly, she reported the case to the boy’s mother the following day and sent me this text:
I called you severally today but you didn’t pick your phone. I actually wanted to tell you that I told his mum about it. She was so angry with him and threatened to get him imprisoned next time he touches me and that he’ll be returning to the U.S. in the next two weeks. Thank you aunty Temi, I don’t know what I’d have done without you. And thank God the woman has been extra kind to me.
Jane may have been spared the nightmare of being forced to have sex but I tell you her mother has laid a very bad foundation for her. Now that Jane has just gained admission into the university and has inadequate funding for her needs, how on earth won’t she be tempted when men offer to take care of her needs while she “services” them in return?
To be continued.
Tips on raising girls in a morally-decadent world
Be their perfect role model
Parents are their children’s number one role model but unfortunately, too many parents lay a bad example when they least suspect. If a parent can’t lay a good example of a morally-upright person in every possible aspect of life and be seen to be doing what is right all the time, it would be most difficult to teach sexual morality. Though no one is perfect, any parent who wants to raise a decent child must be very conscious of what he/she does in the presence of the child. A lot of parents, including you reading this article, have at one time or the other encouraged their children to tell a lie. For example, you have an unexpected visitor that is not welcome at that moment and you tell your child to tell him/her you are sleeping when you are awake. What you consider a normal thing goes a long way in determining your child’s attitude to moral uprightness. Your children are not only watching you carefully for clues about how to be; they are also listening to you. The way you speak, what you speak about, and the opinions you express will influence their values. And the habits that children develop at an early age tend to stick with them as they grow older. Since bad habits are tough to break, one of the best things you can do for your children, from day one, is to model behaviour which positively shapes their character and values, and equips them to live responsible, productive lives. The sooner, the better; the more consistent, the better.
If you show reverence for God in all you do, your children would follow suit. If you let them know doing what pleases God is non-negotiable especially while they are in their impressionable years, it becomes their life-style. If they see you take God seriously, praying always, studying the Word and being early and punctual in church, they naturally imitate you. Just the same way you should expect a party queen if all you do above every other thing is party all the way and spend more time with friends and other inanities. God is the foundation of everything good and right and without His constant presence in our homes, things can’t possibly go well.
To be continued.
I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).
Are you still engaging in pre-marital sex? Each act devalues you! Your wonders are waiting to start. God is waiting for you to become a Secondary virgin! You are most welcome on board the chastity campaign train and Girls Club is open for all girls and ladies. Please text your name, age, school or occupation and State of domicile to 07086620576.
The Girls Club of Nigeria is aimed at influencing a positive change in the female folk and re-orientating the Nigerian girl. Amongst other things, to promote and enhance the development of girls by instilling a sense of self-worth, competence, usefulness, belonging and influence while of course restoring traditional moral values and encouraging the girls to toe the paths of righteousness. If this generation can make amends, the next generation will come out clean.
Chastity does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital and extra-marital sex. Stay chaste!